Depressing in Real Life
TW//Depression and Suicide Topic
Is it just me or is it also really hard for other people to read The Bell Jar knowing that Esther Greenwood in real life (Sylvia Path) commits suicide? Our brains are psychologically wired to want a “happy ending” and although we don’t know yet how the book ends, we know the sad ending that the main character of the book has in real life. It really pains my heart reading about the specific encounters that Esther is describing and also thinking about the different experiences that traumatized her. I know it’s not a healthy thing to do, and I’m trying to stop, but while I’m reading, I can only think about if “blank” experience didn’t happen would she have ended her life.
I’ve watched multiple TV shows and movies where there’s an addict that’s overcome their need for a drug, and down the line they become a support/sponsor for an addict who’s trying to get clean. The addicts would check-up with each other and talk with one another if they think they’re going to relapse. That’s what I originally thought the format of this book was going to be. I thought Sylvia Plath was showing her experience of depression and suicide through Esther Greenwood. I thought because she was writing about her experiences in vivid detail she was able to work through those difficult emotions. I don’t condone suicide or support it in any way, shape, or form, but after reading Sylvia Plath’s thoughts and “living” the experiences with her, it made me realize the extent that she was suffering and didn’t have support for.
A few years ago a past Uni student shared their story dealing with mild depression, and that was the first time I heard someone talk about their real life experience with depression and how it affects a person and their everyday life. The Uni student went into details about symptoms that made them realize they were depressed and their process of getting a medical diagnosis. I’m not in any way trying to put down or minimize the Uni student’s experience because they were extremely brave sharing their story. I’m just putting emphasis on the ultra-perspective that I gained while reading The Bell Jar. After reading (almost all of) The Bell Jar, I have a different and much more magnified lens about how depression and suicide really take over.
One scene in particular that stuck with me was when Esther was sitting in the car and she was imagining throwing herself in the middle of traffic and eventually jumping off the bridge. Her mother and brother were sitting on both sides of her and they were leaning forward, clearly covering the car doors. I was driving today and I thought about if Esther was driving, would she think about crashing the car. Like the emotional exhaustion she was dealing with, and yes, she had doctors and people treating her, but I don’t feel like she had actual support. Everyone around Esther was just telling her she was going to be okay, but they didn’t really address her needs, it’s like they were trying to solve the wrong problem.
Is it just me or is it also really hard for other people to read The Bell Jar knowing that Esther Greenwood in real life (Sylvia Path) commits suicide? Our brains are psychologically wired to want a “happy ending” and although we don’t know yet how the book ends, we know the sad ending that the main character of the book has in real life. It really pains my heart reading about the specific encounters that Esther is describing and also thinking about the different experiences that traumatized her. I know it’s not a healthy thing to do, and I’m trying to stop, but while I’m reading, I can only think about if “blank” experience didn’t happen would she have ended her life.
I’ve watched multiple TV shows and movies where there’s an addict that’s overcome their need for a drug, and down the line they become a support/sponsor for an addict who’s trying to get clean. The addicts would check-up with each other and talk with one another if they think they’re going to relapse. That’s what I originally thought the format of this book was going to be. I thought Sylvia Plath was showing her experience of depression and suicide through Esther Greenwood. I thought because she was writing about her experiences in vivid detail she was able to work through those difficult emotions. I don’t condone suicide or support it in any way, shape, or form, but after reading Sylvia Plath’s thoughts and “living” the experiences with her, it made me realize the extent that she was suffering and didn’t have support for.
A few years ago a past Uni student shared their story dealing with mild depression, and that was the first time I heard someone talk about their real life experience with depression and how it affects a person and their everyday life. The Uni student went into details about symptoms that made them realize they were depressed and their process of getting a medical diagnosis. I’m not in any way trying to put down or minimize the Uni student’s experience because they were extremely brave sharing their story. I’m just putting emphasis on the ultra-perspective that I gained while reading The Bell Jar. After reading (almost all of) The Bell Jar, I have a different and much more magnified lens about how depression and suicide really take over.
One scene in particular that stuck with me was when Esther was sitting in the car and she was imagining throwing herself in the middle of traffic and eventually jumping off the bridge. Her mother and brother were sitting on both sides of her and they were leaning forward, clearly covering the car doors. I was driving today and I thought about if Esther was driving, would she think about crashing the car. Like the emotional exhaustion she was dealing with, and yes, she had doctors and people treating her, but I don’t feel like she had actual support. Everyone around Esther was just telling her she was going to be okay, but they didn’t really address her needs, it’s like they were trying to solve the wrong problem.
Yeah I definitely agree with you, it was difficult to read this book knowing that it's what caused her to relapse (?). Especially after reading the biographical note, it's clear her condition was declining as she was writing, along with Ester's. That sentence about the Bell Jar descending again has so much new meaning.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with you. Even though the book is fictional, I can't but feel sorry for Sylvia Plath and what she went through. We can't separate Plath from Esther no matter how hard we try.
ReplyDeleteThis book was emotionally draining for me. I think reading stories like these is beneficial because they show us that we're not alone in our struggles and also offer insight as to what other people might be going through, however it is incredibly heartbreaking reading this story knowing what happens to the author. At the end of the book I felt a sense of hope in Esther, which makes it even more difficult to read.
ReplyDeleteDefinitely true. I was thinking about writing about this in a comment on someone else's post, but this is perfect. The book has a happy ending. That's good, because nobody would want to read it. The book is depressing and sad, and that ending is the only thing that made me optimistic. But we know Esther commits suicide, because Esther is Sylvia Plath. They are the same person. In terms of the whole "if this hadn't happened, would she have...", I think that the answer is that yes. She was so close to the edge, that even if you took away one thing, something would eventually happen that would send her toppling down the cliff.
ReplyDeleteI definitely agree with you. I feel like Plath's suicide as well as her failed attempt at creating a sequel written "in health" kind of hints that Esther might not make it. I feel like this is a story where the ending that can "change" based on the reader. The author's intent was to create a healthy sequel for Esther, however, the author never had the opportunity to do that. Simply having a baby and getting married doesn't eliminate the possible future descent of the bell jar for Esther. I must say, in the end, Esther seems to be in a WAY better place than she originally was.
ReplyDeleteI think despite what happened to Plath, the book can still be optimistic. The message of ending, when Joan died and Esther lived, said that some people make it and some don't, and one person's failure doesn't doom anyone else. Even if Plath's life ended in tragedy her books help plenty of people, and the book leaves the reader with a hopeful note that doesn't have to go away
ReplyDeleteDefinitely agree! Reading The Bell Jar is so much more heartbreaking when you know it's based on Sylvia Plath's life. Especially because this was set in a time where there wasn't much awareness surrounding mental health, it was frustrating to read about interactions between characters and Esther that we know aren't "right" today. That being said, I also agree with Erin's comment and like that the book supports the message that moving forward is still possible.
ReplyDeleteAgreed. It was hard knowing what ended up happening with Sylvia in real life. It hurts because it seemed like she was doing better through her narration however, like she had stated in her conclusion, there's no telling when the jar would return. And unfortunately, it returned in a big way.
ReplyDeleteI agree completely - knowing that Plath committed suicide (so shortly after writing The Bell Jar, too) casts a shadow over the book and reading it makes me ask, what was the point of the book? It couldn't even help the author with her mental illness, so is there a purpose to it at all? It feels as if Plath was so close to recovery, being able to write the book and clearly recognize and address which parts of treatment helped, which didn't, and that happiness was an achievable goal... yet clearly it wasn't enough.
ReplyDeleteYou are right, this book definitely shows depression very clearly and knowing that it reflects part of Path's life only intensifies this image. It shows a picture of depression that is very similar to what many people, in my experience, have experienced. The feeling of not wanting to do anything because it seems worthless is one common characteristic. Especially with depression being much more common than people realize, I found her experiences to be incredibly relatable, not to me personally, but I know a lot of people could relate to her experiences. In fact, maybe her display of feelings could help others feel like they aren't alone feeling the way that they do.
ReplyDeleteI definitely agree with you. It is also difficult for me to read this knowing what ends up happening with Sylvia. I am sure a lot of people can relate to her depiction of depression. Many people don't understand the extent of how much depression and mental illness can take over your life, and I like how her depiction of depression is relatable, and has probably helped many people.
ReplyDelete